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Hearing “How are you?” the instant response is “I am fine” (almost like closing eyes when someone blows air into it)

Hey.. Did you say the same when you met someone in the morning today or for that matter just any time of the morning today or for that matter just any time of the day? And there you go saying “YES” without a hitch.

From our childhood, our mind is conditioned so pristinely to deliver the same response again and again, time & again with so much ease. We are programmed to just keep going, keep smiling and respond when questioned with an “Am fine” ( made up) statement.

But do our mental status align to that response with that ease??

Do we always feel that way.. When we say “I am fine”? Or it’s a coated (rather a hard one) shell.. a cocoon where we want to stay and remaining there we say “ I am fine”.

Is it the fact that we are taught to always pretend not allowing ourselves to feel the way we feel, hiding our true emotions, frustrations or imperfections but hiding is a momentary mask that we wear to cover up our true mental state and in reality making the matter evidently worse and disturbing from inside, why our low emotional state is shown as a sign of weakness, why it’s that strong people don’t cry, why do we have to maintain that perfection all the time?

Why we can’t be just.. why to adjust every time.. till we say “I’m fine”..

Let’s turn the table, Let’s make an effort to get into the shoes of others, let’s be sensitive to their feelings and emotions, let others feel & believe that it’s absolutely ok to say “ I am not ok”. “Am not fine”.. that you have a problem, that it’s difficult to deal with it, that you feel helpless at times and you hope others would understand and respect what you are going through.

Let’s be more humane to each other to actually make others feel before saying “I am fine” in its real sense.

If you are asking “How are you” then show your concern, care genuinely and give your ear to listen, your time to be patient while being with them and believe me, from my experience of almost 15 years of dealing with human emotions, I assure you and guarantee that most people want to share how they are feeling, they want to pour their heart out to you but only they want that someone should care to listen.

We have made to believe that no one is willing to give us time to listen heartily and value our concerns but that’s so very untrue, we all have people in our life those who care, who value us no matter what, even if the quantity is less or might be less but still they are there to hold hands, to listen, to give a tight hug and to truly understand.

Don’t tag people by saying they are too sensitive when they don’t feel that fine or make fun of them sarcastly saying “you are too big to behave like this”, “Boys don’t cry ” don’t end up believing that it’s someone’s weakness to be sensitive or intense or emotional but hey.. hold on.. the good news is only 15 to 20 percent of our population held such a quality and it’s gifted if you are a sensitive soul, it makes you more empathic, creative, intuitive and humane. The moment we tag people or comment them or indulge in some kind of mockery then we don’t see the truth, we are biased by our own belief system which could possibly a faulty one. The problem is with us not understanding emotions, it’s a wrong thinking pattern that does all the malign.

So, next time when we meet someone let’s genuinely be interested in knowing how they are feeling by asking more relevant questions, more soul digging questions like how are you really feeling ( when someone is actually looking little down), say something like,  “You look little tired or disturbed or upset will be of any help in any way?” Or (when someone is looking really nice) then you could ask “How are you doing? You look so slim, are you on a diet or practicing yoga?”

When next time you meet someone, greet with a warm smile and show real concern while asking “How are you?” and hearing “I am fine” wish them all good by saying, “Everything will always be fine for you as you are a gifted soul.”

These affirmations will take us long in actually making someone feel fine to say “I am fine” in its truest sense.


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Ruheena Priyadarshini is a positive psychologist, professional speaker, and communication expert. She designs and develops seminars and workshops for Corporates, Universities, Institutions and conceptualizes various modules for Parents, Teachers & Students on Positive parenting, Self-growth, Positive attitude developments and other customized topics.